"In the beginning God".... That's the first phrase of the great Bible words. "God created" and what a beautiful world He made with the people who fill this world being His most treasured creation. Both amazing and complicated too.
Through our adoption journey to adopt from Ethiopia we have been blessed beyond measure (Glory to God) to meet wonderful and gracious people. Strangers even who have rallied around us in support and prayer giving encouragement to us as we follow God's calling in our lives and become our friends. Though not everything is sunshine and rainbows, color seems to be the biggest distraction for others to see what God has in store for this journey.
Psalm 139:13-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
Children are precious aren't they? Gifts from God. Children all deserve homes and a loving family right? At very least they should be fed and clothed. Is any one child more deserving than another? Each was created by the Maker, the Father God, all equally precious and beautiful in His sight.
If we are all God's children and one truly believes that, then why is the most repeated question to us one pertaining to the race of our children?
"Don't judge" we hear it all the time. Judgement that is, well, prejudices really in this case. Stick with me, and read on.
As a white girl born and raised and currently living in a small town in the Appalachian mountains, I never experienced prejudices against me or knew how it felt to be judged by the color of my skin or by the accent of which I spoke. We laugh because our home study case worker took the 2+ hour drive from the city lifestyle into the mountain countryside when doing our home visit. She explained to us that she was literally scared to be the only vehicle on the road thinking, "who would be around to help me if I needed it." In questioning our area and it's diversity (of which it has changed to be more diverse over the years, thankfully), she asked, "I mean, you do celebrate Black History Month here right?" Seriously.
Being that the white population was the overwhelming, almost to a fault, majority when I was growing up, there weren't too many 'learning experiences' through life application for me to draw upon. I was always taught to respect God's creation of all sorts. My granddad wouldn't even squish a bug but gathered it up and placed it outside to live. People, insects, the beauty of the clouds, the wonder of the stars - I wouldn't have considered myself prejudice, but yes, ignorant with curiosities to the diversity of people and places beyond my small town.
Let me break apart the definition of prejudice (thank you Wikipedia): The word prejudice refers to prejudgment: i.e. making a decision before becoming aware of the relevant facts of a case. In recent times, the word has come to be most often used to refer to preconceived, usually unfavorable, judgments toward people or a person because of gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, nationality or other personal characteristics. In this case it refers to a positive or negative evaluation of another person based on their group membership. Prejudice can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence." Gordon Allport defined prejudice as a "feeling, favorable or unfavorable, toward a person or thing, prior to, or not based on, actual experience."
So when a person says point blank to me, or thinks, or says to others "they should just adopt locally" the majority of the time, what that statement is saying at the heart is this:
1. Children in American deserve more than children in Africa, Haiti, China, etc.
2. White children deserve a family and care more than others.
3. We should take care of "our own" before reaching out to others. (a quote from someone who said that about our adoption, several times now!)
4. All children aren't created equally.
5. We support adoptions of American children, but not those of 'foreigners.'
6. If you adopted locally, we would help you, but since you aren't, we won't help you or be involved.
7. I question God's calling to your family.
People have said to us, e-mailed us, or told close friends of ours, "Are they all out of white babies?" "Don't adopt foreigners and bring them into this country because one day they'll turn on us all." "I think that there are plenty of children in the US that need homes rather than going to find them elsewhere."
The true prejudice and vanity of these statements pierce my heart and frustrate me. It crushes God's heart too, I know. Some people, in their prejudices, have placed His creation of man (in this case children) to be more worthy and valuable than one another. That is not love.
Prejudice: the word has come to be most often used to refer to preconceived, usually unfavorable, judgments toward people or a person because of gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, nationality or other personal characteristics.
Along the same lines, we have had people show prejudices toward foreigners and the vast needs of the poor globally.
For example, it is a fact that:
1. The USA is not a third world country.
2. The USA has public school for all children. Many countries do not have free schooling. (101 million primary-school-aged children worldwide don't attend school.)
3. The USA has available safe running water to anyone, even the homeless. Many countries do not and people walk for miles to fill the gallons that they can bare to carry back home. Or there is no clean water.
(1.1 BILLION people have no access to clean water - there is a water crisis!)
4. The USA has toilet facilities available to all the public, even the homeless. Many countries do not.
5. The USA has hospitals and doctors who serve the uninsured. Many countries do not and people die.
6. The USA has funded programs to help the poor: Welfare, WIC, Food stamps, education programs, grants, scholarships, paid higher education, non-profit organizations, etc. etc. Many countries do not and there is no help therefore no hope of getting out of the trap of poverty. They cannot turn to the government or to others for help.
Prejudice: The word prejudice refers to prejudgment: i.e. making a decision before becoming aware of the relevant facts of a case.
"Ignorance is bliss" so they say, but really ignorance is vanity and pride. Not caring about others and not 'knowing' the issues that are so dominate in our society globally that it is shameful.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Eph. 5:15-17 "Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
God did not bless this country so that Americans would horde their blessings, rather we are called to share with others the blessings God gives us. God gave us that responsibility and we are greatly failing. Poverty isn't just a problem in other places, it's our problem. Until we open our eyes and remove the selfishness and pride that blinds us from seeing beyond our own 'make-shift-idea' of poverty, we will be ignorant of the world wide need that exists beyond our comfort zone of America.
Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."
I John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for brothers and sisters."
Ok, I'm just being straight out real here and letting you in on the not-so-pretty things we face on this journey of adoption. Other families in other towns and cities experience these exact issues too. We've talked about it and it hurts. It would be a lie to only show the sweet side of this story. Here is where my human-ness wants to kick in and be frustrated, but my spirit cries, "forgive them." I do and I will continue to as I know that they just don't understand.
Eph. 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Tenth Avenue North sings, "They don't know what they've been doing. Oh Father give me strength to forgive them, cause I feel like the one losing." Listen and Watch the Video Here. Sometimes Todd and I feel like that's our "theme" song through this rough side of the adoption process.
Friends have turned against us and as we see it, against our calling set before us. Not that we want others to say, "I'm sorry people have done that to you" or "that's a shame they say that" but we are thankful for these experiences that we can begin to see the prejudices that will sometimes surround our family. We have to experience these things to be able to equip are biological children to deal with those and especially for the adopted children to face boldly and confidently the prejudices that will confront them at some point or another. We feel blessed to have these life experiences revealed to us, almost as Paul had the scales removed from his eyes at the beginning of his conversion so that he could see the truth. He had a totally different perspective on life and new eyes to see what God cares about. People. We see with different eyes and we know with changed hearts, that all people need love and care, but most importantly the unconditional love offered by Jesus Christ.
Prejudice can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence."
"Unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence." Does it seem irrational to say that all God's children are created equal? All God's children deserve a home and a family, love and care?
So to those who may have or have had an "unusual resistance" to international adoption, think about it, pray about it and ask God to show you His heart for all people. His heart, is overflowing with unconditional love.
I Corinthians 13:7 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
We understand that adoption isn't for every family. Loving people is for everyone though and that's what we hope to share through this post. Love unconditionally is quite the opposite of prejudices. We are not suggesting that international adoption is more honorable than domestic adoptions. We have dear friends that have adopted domestically and through the foster care system. What is important is the respect to the unique calling for individual families. And for our family, God called us to adopt internationally. We do believe that all children deserve love, care, a home, and a family to belong to regardless of what continent they were born. God's love is so much bigger than what we can envision or limit Him to.
1 John 4:7-11 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
We are aware of the needs of our soon coming children and the need for them to know their culture, their history, and to be a part of their new home and it's surroundings. We have several trans-racial families that have helped us and guided us through some of the woes and the joys of their diverse family. Local adoptive family friends are also so supportive and transparent with their experiences and efforts they work through building their diverse families. And we are thankful to them! Though aware and anticipated, we never knew the feelings of prejudices directed towards us and more so, toward our children. Adoptive families go through so much already. They need support and encouragement, not criticisms, and judgments, or your opinion of their personal lives.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Through our adoption journey to adopt from Ethiopia we have been blessed beyond measure (Glory to God) to meet wonderful and gracious people. Strangers even who have rallied around us in support and prayer giving encouragement to us as we follow God's calling in our lives and become our friends. Though not everything is sunshine and rainbows, color seems to be the biggest distraction for others to see what God has in store for this journey.
Psalm 139:13-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
If we are all God's children and one truly believes that, then why is the most repeated question to us one pertaining to the race of our children?
"Don't judge" we hear it all the time. Judgement that is, well, prejudices really in this case. Stick with me, and read on.
As a white girl born and raised and currently living in a small town in the Appalachian mountains, I never experienced prejudices against me or knew how it felt to be judged by the color of my skin or by the accent of which I spoke. We laugh because our home study case worker took the 2+ hour drive from the city lifestyle into the mountain countryside when doing our home visit. She explained to us that she was literally scared to be the only vehicle on the road thinking, "who would be around to help me if I needed it." In questioning our area and it's diversity (of which it has changed to be more diverse over the years, thankfully), she asked, "I mean, you do celebrate Black History Month here right?" Seriously.
Being that the white population was the overwhelming, almost to a fault, majority when I was growing up, there weren't too many 'learning experiences' through life application for me to draw upon. I was always taught to respect God's creation of all sorts. My granddad wouldn't even squish a bug but gathered it up and placed it outside to live. People, insects, the beauty of the clouds, the wonder of the stars - I wouldn't have considered myself prejudice, but yes, ignorant with curiosities to the diversity of people and places beyond my small town.
Let me break apart the definition of prejudice (thank you Wikipedia): The word prejudice refers to prejudgment: i.e. making a decision before becoming aware of the relevant facts of a case. In recent times, the word has come to be most often used to refer to preconceived, usually unfavorable, judgments toward people or a person because of gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, nationality or other personal characteristics. In this case it refers to a positive or negative evaluation of another person based on their group membership. Prejudice can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence." Gordon Allport defined prejudice as a "feeling, favorable or unfavorable, toward a person or thing, prior to, or not based on, actual experience."
So when a person says point blank to me, or thinks, or says to others "they should just adopt locally" the majority of the time, what that statement is saying at the heart is this:
1. Children in American deserve more than children in Africa, Haiti, China, etc.
2. White children deserve a family and care more than others.
3. We should take care of "our own" before reaching out to others. (a quote from someone who said that about our adoption, several times now!)
4. All children aren't created equally.
5. We support adoptions of American children, but not those of 'foreigners.'
6. If you adopted locally, we would help you, but since you aren't, we won't help you or be involved.
7. I question God's calling to your family.
People have said to us, e-mailed us, or told close friends of ours, "Are they all out of white babies?" "Don't adopt foreigners and bring them into this country because one day they'll turn on us all." "I think that there are plenty of children in the US that need homes rather than going to find them elsewhere."
The true prejudice and vanity of these statements pierce my heart and frustrate me. It crushes God's heart too, I know. Some people, in their prejudices, have placed His creation of man (in this case children) to be more worthy and valuable than one another. That is not love.
Prejudice: the word has come to be most often used to refer to preconceived, usually unfavorable, judgments toward people or a person because of gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, nationality or other personal characteristics.
Along the same lines, we have had people show prejudices toward foreigners and the vast needs of the poor globally.
For example, it is a fact that:
1. The USA is not a third world country.
2. The USA has public school for all children. Many countries do not have free schooling. (101 million primary-school-aged children worldwide don't attend school.)
3. The USA has available safe running water to anyone, even the homeless. Many countries do not and people walk for miles to fill the gallons that they can bare to carry back home. Or there is no clean water.
(1.1 BILLION people have no access to clean water - there is a water crisis!)
4. The USA has toilet facilities available to all the public, even the homeless. Many countries do not.
5. The USA has hospitals and doctors who serve the uninsured. Many countries do not and people die.
6. The USA has funded programs to help the poor: Welfare, WIC, Food stamps, education programs, grants, scholarships, paid higher education, non-profit organizations, etc. etc. Many countries do not and there is no help therefore no hope of getting out of the trap of poverty. They cannot turn to the government or to others for help.
Prejudice: The word prejudice refers to prejudgment: i.e. making a decision before becoming aware of the relevant facts of a case.
"Ignorance is bliss" so they say, but really ignorance is vanity and pride. Not caring about others and not 'knowing' the issues that are so dominate in our society globally that it is shameful.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Eph. 5:15-17 "Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
God did not bless this country so that Americans would horde their blessings, rather we are called to share with others the blessings God gives us. God gave us that responsibility and we are greatly failing. Poverty isn't just a problem in other places, it's our problem. Until we open our eyes and remove the selfishness and pride that blinds us from seeing beyond our own 'make-shift-idea' of poverty, we will be ignorant of the world wide need that exists beyond our comfort zone of America.
Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."
I John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for brothers and sisters."
Ok, I'm just being straight out real here and letting you in on the not-so-pretty things we face on this journey of adoption. Other families in other towns and cities experience these exact issues too. We've talked about it and it hurts. It would be a lie to only show the sweet side of this story. Here is where my human-ness wants to kick in and be frustrated, but my spirit cries, "forgive them." I do and I will continue to as I know that they just don't understand.
Eph. 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Tenth Avenue North sings, "They don't know what they've been doing. Oh Father give me strength to forgive them, cause I feel like the one losing." Listen and Watch the Video Here. Sometimes Todd and I feel like that's our "theme" song through this rough side of the adoption process.
Friends have turned against us and as we see it, against our calling set before us. Not that we want others to say, "I'm sorry people have done that to you" or "that's a shame they say that" but we are thankful for these experiences that we can begin to see the prejudices that will sometimes surround our family. We have to experience these things to be able to equip are biological children to deal with those and especially for the adopted children to face boldly and confidently the prejudices that will confront them at some point or another. We feel blessed to have these life experiences revealed to us, almost as Paul had the scales removed from his eyes at the beginning of his conversion so that he could see the truth. He had a totally different perspective on life and new eyes to see what God cares about. People. We see with different eyes and we know with changed hearts, that all people need love and care, but most importantly the unconditional love offered by Jesus Christ.
Prejudice can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence."
"Unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence." Does it seem irrational to say that all God's children are created equal? All God's children deserve a home and a family, love and care?
So to those who may have or have had an "unusual resistance" to international adoption, think about it, pray about it and ask God to show you His heart for all people. His heart, is overflowing with unconditional love.
I Corinthians 13:7 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
We understand that adoption isn't for every family. Loving people is for everyone though and that's what we hope to share through this post. Love unconditionally is quite the opposite of prejudices. We are not suggesting that international adoption is more honorable than domestic adoptions. We have dear friends that have adopted domestically and through the foster care system. What is important is the respect to the unique calling for individual families. And for our family, God called us to adopt internationally. We do believe that all children deserve love, care, a home, and a family to belong to regardless of what continent they were born. God's love is so much bigger than what we can envision or limit Him to.
1 John 4:7-11 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
We are aware of the needs of our soon coming children and the need for them to know their culture, their history, and to be a part of their new home and it's surroundings. We have several trans-racial families that have helped us and guided us through some of the woes and the joys of their diverse family. Local adoptive family friends are also so supportive and transparent with their experiences and efforts they work through building their diverse families. And we are thankful to them! Though aware and anticipated, we never knew the feelings of prejudices directed towards us and more so, toward our children. Adoptive families go through so much already. They need support and encouragement, not criticisms, and judgments, or your opinion of their personal lives.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Well done!! Well said!
ReplyDeleteErin-
ReplyDeleteWhile I know you have been so anxious to move quickly through this process, I'm so glad that God has allowed you the time to experience these prejudices. You need the armor of God to fight against them, but first you need the knowledge that they exist. They are impossible to explain or understand. Your family will forever become God's crusaders in this important battlefield, but, as you know, God's crusaders must be full of love for all. That's often incredibly difficult, but you have many partners in prayer to support you. (And some of us make really good babysitters;))- Your sister in Christ- Lynn